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Happy 2021 Everyone!
If you haven't done so already, I invite you to start the year off strong with figuring out what you want to focus on for your life.
We get so busy with tons of demands on us, and for the pro-personal development and high achievement types, we set even MORE demands on ourselves to do ALL THE THINGS.
Some of us may even have "shiny object syndrome" (I'm #guilty) where instead of really focusing on what we decided we should prioritize, we get sucked into doing or exploring something new and shiny. This phenomenon is due to your brain getting a dopamine hit when you do or try something new. So it's like you're chasing that "high", where it may not be helping you grow or achieve in the direction you actually want to because you've scattered your energy, time, and attention.
So for all you who aspire to live intentionally, here is an exercise I propose to help you lead an intentional year and life!
I call it the Combo Clarity Cards Pyramid + Do Not Do List (or CCPDNDL for short 😅)
Clarity Cards Pyramid
I first heard about the Clarity Cards through Dr. Shannon Connery's podcast Fix Yourself talking with guest Dan Blank from WeGrowMedia. Dan developed a tool he calls Clarity Cards, which were originally meant for creatives (writers, artists, creators). "It is an exercise where you get clarity on what you create and why, and you prioritize this amidst the rest of your busy life."
"You can’t do everything. It is simply a fact that if you try to do everything and show up for everyone, you will end up doing things in a half-baked way, possibly struggling with anxiety and depression. We can all relate to this. You can’t sustain the energy to pursue your dreams, if you coach the soccer team, volunteer for the PTA, and attempt to lead a perfect life. You have to make decisions about where to focus and what matters most."
Here's what you will end up with from my own pyramid:
Do Not Do List
Now, I've adapted this Clarity Cards exercise to not just ignore all the discarded pile of cards. I now use those cards as part of my Do Not Do List.
As someone with a "shiny object syndrome," I know my own weaknesses of what distracts me. They are obviously things I want to do also, but I choose for them to NOT be priority in my life right now.
These are the ones more concerning than the usual "oh I got distracted by scrolling Instagram again," as they may seem productive, but in fact you are spreading yourself thin and haff-assing what you ACTUALLY want to be priority in your life.
With this in mind, I will demonstrate with visuals below of myself doing this exercise digitally on Miro.com. But you can also go old school and write them out on index cards or post-it notes!
There are Four Steps in creating your Clarity Cards & Do Not DO List
1. Braindump
This is where you list ALL the things and areas of life you want to put your energy into. Let your mind run free.
Write down each one on an index card.
No editing at this point, the sky is the limit!
List out the following:
Everything in your life you're responsible for
Every dream that you have
Every interest you have that you want to work on or start
Standards in your life you want to uphold
Here is my list:
If you are stuck, you can use the following categories to maybe help jog your idea of what else you're responsible for or dream of doing:
Health
Self-esteem (Liking and respecting yourself in light of strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures, and ability to handle problems)
Goals and Values (or Philosophy of life)
Spiritual Life
Money (or Standard of living - The money you earn, the things you own, and believing that you will have the money and things you need in the future)
Work or Duties (which includes being at home taking care of your family and household, or being a student at school)
Play (or Recreation)
Learning
Creativity
Helping (or Service)
Love (or Love Relationships)
Friends (or Friendships - People, not relatives, you know well and care about.)
Children
Relatives
Home (Where you live, your house or apartment and the yard around it. Think about how nice it looks, how big it is, and your rent or house payment)
Neighbourhood
Community
(The above list is from Creating Your Best Life book by Caroline Adams Miller and Dr. Michael B. Frisch - great book by the way, I HIGHLY recommend. #1 book for actionable tips and exercises in, well, creating your best life).
2. Sort into 3 Piles
From the entire stack of cards above, you will sort them all into 3 piles:
High Priority
Medium Priority
Low Priority
Note that right away, some of these things I didn't even put into the Low Priority Pile, I immediately put them into the Do Not Do Pile:
Once you're done, you have to DISCARD the Low priority ones. DISCARD. THEM.
WHAT!? Cries the over-achiever incredulous voice.
Yes that's right. D.I.S.C.A.R.D. You are choosing to not focus on these. Remember, you have limited energy and attention, and to really move the needle on your actual priorities and not half-ass it at life, you will have to get better and better at letting go of what you have decided to not focus on.
But let's say something like "clean bedsheets" shows up here, doesn't mean you never do them of course! You just know that this is not your priority.
Example from my own life: When I'm on my deathbed, I will feel zero regret that I don't wash my bedsheets more often. So I still do it obviously, but I allow myself permission to not feel guilty for not doing it more often, as I have already decide it's NOT a priority.
These cards can be added to your Do Not Do Pile instead:
3. Sort into a 3x4 Rectangle
Working with only the cards from your High and Medium priority piles, sort them 3 cards across and 4 cards down. So you will end up with a total of 12 cards at this point.
Top Row = Highest Priority
2nd Row = 2nd Highest Priority
3rd Row = Medium or 2nd Lowest Priority
4th Row = Lowest priority
This is to help you refine even more from your stack of High and Medium Priority:
The cards that didn't even make it to the 12 cards here and the Lowest priority ones go into the Do Not Do Pile:
4. Prioritize 8-10 MAX into a Pyramid
At this point, you are creating your final Clarity Cards Pyramid.
You are refining it one more time down from 12 to 8-10 cards.
ONE card at the top = Highest priority
TWO cards on the 2nd row = 2nd Highest priorities
THREE cards the 3rd row = Medium priority
FOUR cards at the bottom = Lowest from an already high/medium original priority
If you struggle with this, you can also pit 2 cards against each other, and ask yourself, "Which of these cards will lead me to the fulfilling life that I dream of?"
Here is my end result for the Clarity Cards Pyramid:
A few things to note:
For perfectionists who wants to get this RIGHT and PERFECT and over thinks it: DON'T
Just go with what first comes to mind and once you're done this, guess what, YOU CAN GO BACK AND EDIT OR CHANGE IT.
The point of this exercise is to help you get clear on what you should be putting your attention and energy on, and what you can let go of. If you are wasting energy trying to perfect this exercise, that's not the point. Notice yourself falling back into that pattern and zoom out.
In my example above, I actually adjusted something. At first, I eliminated the Cleaning House card (Dark Pink on the bottom right). But when I came to my first version of the Pyramid, I realize I really wanted the Cleaning House card to be there. Normally I really don't prioritize cleaning, but with me being home 99% of the time, it is now more important for me to have a Clean House, so I've brought that card back to the bottom level of my Pyramid.
Experiment! This is not a rigid process! And you're allowed to edit it in the future.
Someone asked me what "level" of granularity are the things on the cards?
This is no ideal answer; it's basically whatever works for you. Some people realize doing this the first time that it's too high level and doesn't help them become more "clear" on what their priority should be. Others may realize they went too granular, and things in their pyramid doesn't help them make decisions on a day to day/week to week basis.
You'll have to experiment to see what works for you.
For me, at first I kept it at a higher level of “Maintain Friendship” but my final card says “Friendship (Calls)” so when I review it daily, I know what more specific action this means to me. (I’ve since set up recurring phone calls with my core group of friends, because having to “remember” to call them delays things or never ends up happening).
Another question was, "Should I create one pyramid for work and another for my personal life?"
My answer is No. The point of this exercise is to see the full picture of your life. Let's say you have limited time on a Friday evening and there are two demands coming at you, one is getting one more task done from your work list, or your friend needs to talk to you because s/he is in distress. When you are called to make a decision of what you prioritize, the Clarity Cards SHOULD give you CLARITY on what you should prioritize in this situation.
You can later go deeper into each area of work to see which work domains or topics or tasks you want to prioritize over another, and same with, say, "clean house" (do you want to prioritize washing sheets or vacuuming?)
The other key point is that, once you are clear on your priorty(ies), you have to also practice NOT FEELING BAD or GUILTY for not doing the other thing.
There is only ONE of you with limited energy, time, and attention, and the cognitive resource wasted feeling guilty about not doing activity B in the middle of you actually doing activity A is a waste on both fronts.
Stop wasting your energy, which is the true limiting resource and also the fuel to really go after your dreams!
Contest: The first person who replies to me and answers, "And what is the key to practice NOT FEELING BAD for not doing something else?" and gets it right, you'll get a complimentary 60 minute coaching session with me. (Or you can gift this 60 minutes to someone else!)
Putting it together - How do I use the Clarity Cards Pyramid and Do Not Do List on a daily basis?
Each morning before I start my work, I have a Daily Intention where I set the tone for the day, set intention on who I want to be, obstacles I foresee, and my plans to overcome them.
Part of my Daily Intention exercise is that I review my Clarity Cards Pyramid that is now physically on my wall:
(Addition of the word for 2021 for me is Patience.)
Then I review my Do Not Do List.
From before, after the entire exercise above, this is my final Do Not Do Pile:
From this pile, I now also have a physical version of it that is a bit more ghetto as this piece of paper:
I review this Do Not Do List right after reviewing my Clarity Cards Pyramid to keep myself focus, such that when throughout the day I learn about something new that I want to default join, I remember my intention to not spread myself thin and intentionally choose NOT to join things things.
Notice that at the bottom of this list, I do have SOME leeway in listening to Podcasts on Psychology, General Interest (mainly Health, Exercise, Nutrition), and How to Coach. I try to not do this much, but allow myself to dabble once in awhile.
To be honest, the Do Not Do list has become more important to me than the Clarity Cards, because of my own personality of "shiny objects syndrome" mainly about learning new things and consuming more information.
(Dr. Scott Barry Kauffman calls the Nerdy Dopamine Pathway, "Don’t understand why everyone else around you is so interested in sex, drugs, and money, and you get so turned on by stimulating ideas and learning new and interesting things? Now you have a potential answer: You may be highly sensitive to the reward value of information." )
If you try this exercise, I'd love to hear from you! Send me a pic of your Clarity Cards Pyramid and/or your Do Not Do List. And let me know how it has helped you!
Here's to your amazing, intentional 2021!
Me starting the new year living out my 3rd tier priority of Nature/Outdoors:
Until next time, Transcenders!
~Pylin
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P.P.S. I’d love to hear from you! Let me know if you love a topic, don’t like a topic, want to hear about a certain topic. I’m all about learning from others and connecting! Email link below or pylin@drpylin.com