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In the last post, we learned 3 reasons why people fail at their habits:
1. They focus too much on motivation.
2. They make the habit too hard for themselves.
3. They don't design their environment.
Today’s newsletter will focus on 3 more factors.
4. They didn’t have a plan B or contingency plan.
Let’s face it, even when you have designed a way to perfectly execute your habits, life happens. What may seem like a minor hiccup can throw your habit formation off balance.
One example is from Noella* (*named changed) who planned to do her 7 minutes of exercise after she has her first cup of coffee in the morning. Seems simple right?
Well, Noella has a 2-year old who wakes up at seemingly random times throughout the week. Sometimes he wakes up a lot after Noella, other time he wakes up right when Noella wakes up, and when this happens, Noella's morning habit routine gets thrown off balance, and she ends up not even doing the 7 minutes of exercise.
A way around this is to have a Plan B in place in case of an obstacle. Following the research of Drs. Peter Gollwitzer and Gabriele Oettingen, you want to not only set your habit goals, you also need to visualize ahead of time what obstacles may happen, and what your plans are to get around them.
Nerd alert: These strategies are called intention implementation with mental contrasting (Check out the Further Reading section).
Today’s activity at the bottom of this email is based on this concept.
5. They are perfectionists.
I will use Perfectionism as one example of a personality style that may impact habit formation.
People with perfectionism tendencies tend “to set inflexible and excessively high standards, to evaluate their behaviour overly critically, to hold an all-or-nothing mindset about their performance.” (Swider et al., 2018)
At first glance, Perfectionists may seem like someone who is able to pick up habits quicker as they be more likely to set goals and standards for themselves, and may appear more motivated to make the habit stick.
However, if you look at the other aspects of Perfectionism, “evaluate their behaviour overly critically” and “hold an all-or nothing mindset about their performance,” this is where their habit formation can break down.
Let’s use Natapong* (*name changed) as an example. Natapong wants to set his day up for success, and decides that he would like to have a good morning routine. He has read many self-improvement articles and book and has a strong faith, so he’s decided that his morning habits would be to first pray for 30 minutes, then journal for 20 minutes, then do yoga for another 30 minutes, followed by a 20 minute meditation.
You can already see the high standard that Natapong has set upon himself. How many people do you know does all this as their morning routine?
Moreover, once the pandemic started, both he and his wife started working from home, and they have two young children. Natapong used to be able to use his bedroom to do all the above when his wife goes to work, but now that his wife is home, he doesn’t feel comfortable doing all that while his wife home (her working space is in the bedroom). He also would normally have uninterrupted 100 minutes to do his entire ideal morning habits, but with the kids at home and not at daycare, this has proven impossible.
So instead of doing what he can with what he has, Natapong's “all-or-nothing” mind says, “If I don’t have a full 100 minutes of uninterrupted time to do all my habits, then fuck it all!”
Moreover, with his overly self-critical mind, Natapong says to himself, “Why do you suck so much as your morning habits? You know what’s good for you and you can’t even do it. You’re such a loser.” And this makes him even more disheartened to try again tomorrow, and this becomes a negative spiral of “failing” at his habits, and self-internal punishment.
6. They have a fixed mindset.
Dr. Carol Dweck pioneered the work on “fixed vs growth mindsets” that can help or hinder your habit endeavours.
Someone with a “fixed mindset” assumes that their personality, ability, intelligence, etc. are “fixed” and can’t change much. They see failures as a “threat” to their fixed selves, and may avoid something they failed at in the future.
On the other hand, someone with a “growth mindset" assumes that personality, ability, intelligence, etc. can “grow”. Thus, they see failures as opportunities to learn and grow from, to really stretch themselves.
You can see how having a fixed mindset can hinder one’s attempt at forming a habit. The formula for habit formation isn’t complex (only three things are needed!), but because our lives are not constant, and we have a lot of other internal drives, emotions, conflicting goals that we are juggling, “failures” or hiccups are bound to happen, and instead of using the failed attempts as data or insight about themselves to do better next time, those with fixed mindsets would instead experience failures and think “Oh I’m not good at doing this, so why try?”
If any of this sounds like you, you are just human! But I’m a coach for a reason; I definitely believe in growth and helping others grow. So if you struggle with habits and want to learn the skills and a systematic process to start and stop habits, I can help! Book a Discovery Call with me today.
Today's Action
Set up contingency plan for your habits using the WOOP formula by Dr. Gabriele Oettingen
W = Wish
What is it you want for your life? This is your wish (or “goals”)
Get very clear and specific and narrow it down to 3-6 words.
O = Outcome
What’s the biggest benefit you could experience as a result of achieving this wish?
Again, get very clear and specific, and narrow it down to 3-6 words.
O = Obstacle
As examples above have shown, life happens. So you want to proactively brainstorm what obstacles you may face that will get in the way of you performing your habits.
Get real with yourself; what are your tendencies? who else are involved in your life that may throw your habit off track? what is in your environment that may also become an obstacle?
Brainstorm as many as possible
P = Plan
Now for each Obstacle, your job is to figure out a plan now of how you will get around each one if they were to present themselves.
This helps you create a brain shortcut for when you are in that moment of decision when the Obstacle rears its head, you already have a plan in place of what you would do vs waste precious brain energy to try to think about what to do on the spot. Although it may last a few seconds or minutes, that extra time you had to think about what you should do instead can derail you!
As usual, you can share your WOOP with me, or with your friends, family, or colleagues!
Until next time!
~Pylin
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P.P.S. I’d love to hear from you! Let me know if you love a topic, don’t like a topic, want to hear about a certain topic. I’m all about learning from others and connecting! Email link below or pylin@drpylin.com
Post originally written on September 30, 2020