Click here to listen to this newsletter as a PODCAST [8:26]
So what do I mean by using death as a motivator?
Let’s be super real for a second; we are all going to die one day.We humans don’t think or reflect on that enough because it can be scary.
Heck, when I was a kid, I remember being in bed and couldn’t sleep, and suddenly I got really scared of death.
Is it just darkness forever?
Would I feel anything?
But would I know I’m dead?
Even as an adult, every 4-5 years or so, I definitely go through a week or so where I’m suddenly scared of death again.
So everything will just be gone forever?
I will never ever get to interact with all the people I’ve ever known forever?
Is it just darkness forever? Would I feel anything? (notice any trends here?)
Oh my god, there’s so much I still want to do!!!
This last fear is what helps me take more actions in life. I don’t know about you, but I have a bucket list that I would love to accomplish.
Bucket list: a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime (Here’s an example of a bucket list)
But, sometimes, what holds me back from doing what I want to do in life is what I’ll call the lower case fear.
Examples of thoughts while in the lower case fear mode:
What will happen if I quit my job and go pursue my dream of backpacking around the world for a year?
What if I am not able to find a job when I get back?
What if recruiters and hiring managers think I’m flakey?
Will my family think I’m bringing shame to the family?
These lower case fears are legitimate fears. However, they are not grounded in factual truth and are more focused on security goals; goals driven by anxiety, fear, and guilt.
On the other hand, if we think about the capital Fear that we will die someday, the Fear of Death, the significance of these lower case fears fade away. The capital Fear instead helps us gain perspective and ask bigger questions:
When I am on my death bed and look back at my life...
...would I regret not having followed my dreams?
…what legacy would I want to leave behind?
Looking at our life through this lens, we can become more focused on growth goals; goals that help us realize our true selves and uniqueness, and contribute to the good in the world.
In an interview with Nikki Mirghafori, an AI researcher who also trained to become a Buddhist meditation teacher, Mirghafori shares that:
First and foremost, what I found for many people, myself included, is that facing the fact that I am not going to live forever really aligns my life with my values.
Most people suffer what’s called the misalignment problem, which is that we don’t quite live according to our values. There was a study that really highlighted this, by a team of scientists, including Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman. They surveyed a group of women and compared how much satisfaction they derived from their daily activities. Among voluntary activities, you’d probably expect that people’s choices would roughly correlate to their satisfaction. You’re choosing to do it, so you’d think that you actually enjoy it.
Guess what? That wasn’t the case. The women reported deriving more satisfaction from prayer, worship, and meditation than from watching television. But the average respondent spent more than five times as long watching television than engaging in spiritual activities that they actually said they enjoyed more.
This is a misalignment problem. There’s a way we want to spend our time, but we don’t do that because we don’t have the sense that time is short, time is precious. And the way to systematically raise the sense of urgency — Buddhism calls it samvega, spiritual urgency — is to bring the scarcity of time front and center in one’s consciousness: I am going to die. This show is not going to go on forever. This is a party on death row.
Today's Action:
What can you do today to use death as a motivator?
Imagine you’re on your deathbed and looking back at your life;
what are the things you wished you had done or accomplished?
Write down 5 things
It doesn’t have to be grand or crazy like “White water raft at the Grand Canyon” or “Eat Fire”. It can be things like “Laugh at least once a day”, “Make pasta from scratch”, or “Call my family abroad weekly"
If you’re on a roll, keep going! Get to 100 if you want! Go ahead and dream!
Once you have those things written down, start doing them! Or figure out what is the one thing you can do today to get closer to each of your 5 goals.
Share your 5 things with me or with your family, friends, or social media followers!
I’ll end with one of my favourite quotes to inspire you to take actions to get you closer to your dream life:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines! Sail away from safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover!”
- Mark Twain”
Until next time, Transcenders!
~Pylin
P.S. If you enjoyed this blog post, please consider forwarding it to someone who may get value out of it. If you were forwarded this blog post, you can sign up to be notified of a new post each Wednesday for free.
P.P.S. I’d love to hear from you! Let me know if you love a topic, don’t like a topic, want to hear about a certain topic. I’m all about learning from others and connecting! Email link below or pylin@drpylin.com
Post originally written on September 2, 2020